I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize