did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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