This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
