the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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