i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
