Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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