Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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