Jerry, you need to find god
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
