When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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