You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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