Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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