Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.

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(410): View more from Maryland

We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I hope you meant gum...

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(440): View more from Ohio

He called his prostate his "boner button".

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(240): View more from Maryland

my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(409): View more from Texas

We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.

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(909): View more from California

I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.

(1-909): View more from California

Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.

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(713): View more from Texas

I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!

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(541): View more from Oregon

Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...

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