My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
