I accidentally had phone sex last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick