so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
