drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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