I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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