your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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