i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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