We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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