why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
