I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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