____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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