Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
