Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
