I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
