I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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