Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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