Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
