Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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