i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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