put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
