There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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