literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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