Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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