you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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