you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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