a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
