i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
