ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
