Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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