i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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