I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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