I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
