nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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