you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
