Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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