i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
