i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize