ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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