she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
