well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
