I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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