I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
