This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
