I'm jealous of your bromance
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
