She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
