she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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