threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
