he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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