You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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