Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
