my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
