forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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