Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
