I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
