Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

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  (301): woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later. http://tfl.nu/zlbw
  Replies (3) Good night (4062) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch

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  (480): I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch http://tfl.nu/8f48
  Replies (12) Good night (4239) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

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  (+44): He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work http://tfl.nu/peex
  Replies (3) Good night (863) Bad night (3143) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.

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  (209): There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them. http://tfl.nu/h2fg
  Replies (2) Good night (2564) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.

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  (443): Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire. http://tfl.nu/qksw
  Replies (16) Good night (3794) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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  (918): Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right? http://tfl.nu/jzhy
  Replies (2) Good night (1898) Bad night (569)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.

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  (405): He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/m9rk
  Replies (4) Good night (2588) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER

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  (707): I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER http://tfl.nu/38g6
  Replies (28) Good night (760) Bad night (3525) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.

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  (414): Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl. http://tfl.nu/70hc
  Replies (4) Good night (1535) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate

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  (920): So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate http://tfl.nu/3qfe
  Replies (1) Good night (1006) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?

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  (561): I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line? http://tfl.nu/0ivn
  Replies (10) Good night (724) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.

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  (318): In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/56nz
  Replies (12) Good night (314) Bad night (1612) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  You're the salmon of the gays...

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  (574): I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual (1-574): You're the salmon of the gays... http://tfl.nu/2l6t
  Replies (2) Good night (763) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.

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  (847): She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid. http://tfl.nu/spee
  Replies (3) Good night (791) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry

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  (+61): Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry http://tfl.nu/2c34
  Replies (5) Good night (196) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt

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