Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?