I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful