how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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