I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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