i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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