Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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