I heard we made out
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't put those talents on a resume
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
