you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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