Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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