I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
